


am i ready for love (or maybe just a best friend)

by forrestffires



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:08:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24221074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forrestffires/pseuds/forrestffires
Summary: conversations are had and realisations are made
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 214





	am i ready for love (or maybe just a best friend)

The school's general office is a cold, tiled square with a frowning administrator looking intently at her laptop. Eddie walks up and clears his throat. 

"We're here to see Mr Lee, for Christopher Diaz please." Despite the numerous times he'd been here, coming to school to see a teacher still filled Eddie with a buzzing, nervous energy. Chris' history teacher hadn't said anything about why he had to see Eddie, but Chris had been doing well in history (to Eddie's knowledge) and there didn't seem to be a reason to meet his dad. 

"Names, name of child, phone number, reason for visit and a signature please." She placed a clipboard and a pen on the desk, before going back to her screen. Carla must have sensed his anxiety, because she placed a calm hand on Eddie's arm, before taking the clipboard and filling in her own particulars, followed by Eddie's. 

As they walked through the school corridors, peering into the odd classroom to see if it was right, Carla started talking. 

"You do know that you have nothing to worry about, right?" She smiled reassuringly, placing Eddie's nerves at ease with just a simple sentence, they way only Carla could. Eddie gave a small smile, before stopping outside an open door. 

"Room 127. This is it." Eddie knocked hesitantly at the door, and a small, greying man looked up from his desk. The classroom was completely empty, save for the rows of small tables and chairs, and the walls of drawings. If he hadn't known better, Eddie would have assumed it was an art classroom. The man, Mr Lee, stood and gestured to the seats next to his desk.

"Mr Diaz! Thank you for coming." As he settled back in his seat, he pulled a stack of papers from his drawer. The voice on the phone had been deep, and this was not quite what Eddie had pictured Mr Lee to be. "I'm sorry for not elaborating on the phone, I thought you might want to hear this in person." 

Eddie tensed. "What did Chris do?" 

"Nothing, actually," Mr Lee smiled. "I'm nominating Chris for this small history competition. He's a really bright student, and seems genuinely interested in my class, and I wanted to give him this opportunity." 

Eddie's chest swells with pride. His little man! 

"But," Mr Lee clears his throat, "it has to be about war. I understand you did a few tours?" Shellshocked, Eddie nods dumbly. 

"I did too, back in my day. Went to Afghanistan, too. I understand if this isn't what you want Christopher to know about, I've seen some things I wouldn't want my children to see either." Mr Lee purses his lips, haltingly, looking at Eddie for his reaction. 

"I - I'd like Chris to give it a try," Eddie swallows, his lips too dry. "I don't want to deprive him of this opportunity either." 

Mr Lee smiles, his eyes crinkling below grey eyebrows. "That's great! I look forward to seeing what Chris has to offer!"

"By the way, I've actually been hoping to talk to you. It isn't often that I meet someone from the Army that wasn't from my tour - would you like to have a drink sometime?" Mr Lee offers. "I'll bring my wife, too." 

Awkwardly, Eddie nods slowly. He must sense the awkward energy, because Mr Lee just claps his hands together and smiles, thanking him for coming before ushering him out. 

Walking quickly to the car, Carla speaks. "It wouldn't be such a bad idea, you know? Just making friends. You could use a few more of those, especially one who's got the same experiences as you." 

Eddie chuckles, "you say that as if I don't have any friends. I've got Buck and the whole 118 with me." 

"I know, but having a few friends outside of work wouldn't kill you either." 

-

Eddie's car pulls up to the parking lot, next to a familiar black truck. Buck is bending to get his bag out of the trunk of his car. Seeing Eddie, his face lights up with a smile. Exchanging a few words and smiles, they walk into the station together, shoulders bumping and arms touching lightly. 

"You're early." 

"I know, Bobby promised he'd teach me to bake egg tarts today." Buck replies, searching for Bobby's familiar stature. After depositing his bag in his locker and changing into his uniform, he prances over to the kitchen, where Bobby has already lay out ingredients for the egg tarts. Eddie follows him up the stairs, if only to grab some breakfast and watch the hilarity that would inevitably ensue. 

Settling down at the table and digging into his scrambled eggs, Eddie opens a text from Mr Lee, or Kevin, as he introduced himself. 

**Kevin**

_Thursday, 8pm good for you?_

**Eddie**

_OK. see you_

He looks up to see Buck drop an egg on the floor, just as Hen and Chim walk in. Chim peers over his shoulder, before announcing to the whole station, "who's Kevin?" 

Buck looks up in surprise, before schooling his features into a more neutral expression. "Who's Kevin?" 

"Chris' teacher." Eddie groans, hoping the team doesn't make it weird as they usually do. Hen snorts. "Another one? I thought you and Ana didn't work out." 

"I did not data Ana. We were just friends. So is Kevin, unless 50-year old Chinese men are my type now. We're just going out for drinks, something about befriending a fellow army vet." Out of the corner of his eye, Buck's shoulders lose some of its tension. 

"You don't need more friends. The one who does is Buck," says Chim, never passing up an opportunity to tease him, his smile matching his laughing tone. 

"Hey, come on dude." Buck pretends to be offended, before cleaning the broken egg off the floor. Right as they are measuring out ingredients, the alarm rings. 

-

The truck stops in front of a small suburban home, in a quiet suburban town. On the way, Bobby had said that someone had a burn injury, but the crew had no information on how serious it was. 

A frantic-looking man opens the door, on the brink of tears. Eddie shoots a look at Buck, _check out this guy_ , and Buck nudges him with his elbow, _shut up, be professional_. He ushers them in, and Bobby tries to calm him down. 

In the living room, a young boy (around Chris' age, Eddie thinks) sits with one arm cradled gently in the other. As Chim carefully checks his arm, Buck asks quietly, "hey kid, my name's Buck. What happened?"

The kid looks up, before smiling and saying, "Dad and I were making bacon, but then he accidentally dropped a piece on my arm. I was holding the spatula, and then dad got scared. I said I was okay. It didn't hurt that bad. He made me put my arm under running water while he called 911." Chim stands, having made quick work of the boy's arm. 

"It's just a light burn, nothing serious. He'll heal fast enough. I think the dad kind of overreacted, I mean, it's nothing to call 911 over." He looks at Eddie and Hen, but Buck interjects. 

"Well, I'd freak out if I dropped bacon on Chris." Eddie looks at him, as does everyone else in the room. 

"Did you drop bacon on my son?" Eddie asks, making everyone laugh. The father, now significantly calmer, walks over to Chim, thanking him before wrapping his son up in a hug. The little boy laughs and pets his hair and says, "its okay. It doesn't hurt that much."

Eddie is suddenly caught up in his thoughts. Would he freak out if Chris got hurt? He laughs to himself, thinking about the skateboard incident and the panicked feeling in his gut that threatened to chew through his stomach lining. _Where's this kid's mom_ , he wonders. _Is he like me? Does he have anyone to rely on when he feels too 'parent-y'?_

He feels a nudge to his hip, looking up into a pair of light blue eyes under a furrowed brow, as if to say *you okay?* He nods, before noticing that his team had cleared the scene and jogging after Buck back to the truck. 

On the drive back, Hen jokes about Denny and the time he'd tried to cook for Mothers' day. "He refused to get help from either of us, because, and I quote, 'my friends said moms get to rest while dad does the work. Both my moms get to rest.' It was so cute, I almost cried." Shifting her focus to where Buck is sitting, shoulder touching Eddie's( _when are their shoulders not touching_ , Eddie wonders), she asks cheekily, "so, you make bacon with Chris on a regular basis?" 

Eddie feels a little off-kilter at the remark. It's no secret that he and Buck are closer than most friends are, but sometimes it hits a little too close to home. Buck, oblivious as ever, smiles broadly, eyes crinkling at the thought of the boy. 

"Yup. We even made breakfast in bed for Eddie last Father's Day. I love this kid, he's so thoughtful. Dude, you really brought him up well." 

Eddie feels a little choked up at the memory. He'd woken to the smell of sizzling bacon, concerned about Chris cooking for him alone. That was before he half-ran to the kitchen to find Buck, large hand over Chris' on the spatula, flipping over crispy bacon in a pan, accompanied by giggles and little jokes. His heart had almost melted on the spot out of gratitude for Buck. Once they spotted him, Buck turned to Chris and said, "look, what is your dad doing out of bed? Do you wanna make sure he gets back? So we can bring him breakfast in bed?" Chris giggled, before walking over to Eddie and grabbing his hand, pulling Eddie back to his room. 

"Damn." Chim whistles. "That's the definition of domestic." Hen jabs him with her elbow, not missing the way Buck turns a deep shade of red. 

-

Their next call turns out to be not that much later, with Bobby only managing to put the dough for tart crust into the fridge before the alarm rings. This time, they're called into a richer neighbourhood, with grand houses standing 4 storeys tall. They stop in front of an older-looking home, to find a little old lady ( _almost 80_ , Buck muses) waving at them. 

"In here! She just collapsed, I didn't know what to do! Please help," she sobs into Buck's shoulder. Inside, another lady is slumped on the floor just next to a bed. Buck gently pats her hair, offering her tissues and trying to calm her as Hen checks her vitals. "Only the left side of her body is responsive. It's a stroke, let's get her moving."

As they put her on a stretcher, Buck turns to the little old lady. "Ma'am, what's your name?" He probes gently, carefully reading her feelings. 

"I'm Edith, she's Jolene." She all but sobs. 

"Okay Edith, you did a good job calling 911 immediately. She has a better chance of making it through unharmed because of it. Thank you," Buck says, putting on the voice he reserves for speaking to elderly, not harsh but never condescending. 

"She's all I have, please make sure she's okay. I need her to be okay," Edith cries into a tissue. Buck looks around, only then noticing the multitude of framed pictures of the two of them. His eyes fall on an elegantly framed picture of the two of them in matching bridal gowns, looking undeniably, completely in love. His heart breaks a little in that moment, hoping that Edith would get to spend another 10 years with Jolene, rather than spend her years alone. 

"She'll be okay, let's get you into the ambulance with her, okay?" As he ushers her into the back of the ambulance with the stretcher, he fights the urge to climb in with her. He isn't supposed to, he knows, the space at the back is limited and only a trained paramedic and loved one can go. He lets go of her hand, promising her that he'll see her at the hospital and Jolene will be fine. As the door closes, he sees Edith take Jolene's hand, and his heart trembles. 

As he rides to the hospital with them, he thinks about them, thinks about Red and thinks about himself. Getting old hadn't been something he'd actively thought about, believing that he had decades ahead of him. However, recently, he'd realised he felt lonely. Not lonely in the way that he had absolutely no one to turn to, or had no one to hang out with, but lonely in the sense that everyone seemed to have a first choice over him. He would be standing in the middle of a crowded room, yet still feel achingly alone. When he grew old, would he be just as alone? Would his friends be involved with their families, with their kids? Would he have a family, have a -

A hand on his shoulder jolted him out of his thoughts. Looking to his right, he sees deep brown eyes, warm and full of concern. He shrugs, as if to say *no biggie*. He loves this part of his and Eddie's friendship, unspoken words going understood nonetheless, quiet touches translating into silent words. He wondered if there would come a day where they would lose this connection, where either of them would find someone else, someone else to share knowing glances with. _No way,_ he thinks again, _nothing can replace what we have_. But what do they have? A friendship on the horizon of something more? Who knows? Buck certainly doesn't. An uncomfortable feeling settles at the base of his stomach, causing him to half-smile up at Eddie, before looking at the ground again. The hand never leaves his shoulder. 

At the hospital, Edith and the team are stopped from following Jolene in, Edith reluctantly letting go of Jolene's hand. She walks up to Buck, thanking him quietly with a hug, and offering him her number so that they could thank the team after Jolene recovers. Buck accepts gratefully - who is he to refuse a sweet old lady - and bids her goodbye and good luck. 

-

Thursday evening rolls around soon enough, and Eddie feels a little nervous at meeting Mr Lee outside of school. *What if they run out of conversation? What if it feels stilted, and dry, and uncomfortable?* Carla must see the worry on his face, because she pushes him to the door, while Chris giggles at the action. 

"Go, before you change your mind." Eddie nods, acquiescing. 

They meet at a small cafe, Mr Lee with his wife already seated, making quiet, small talk. Eddie approaches, and both of them smile.

"Hi, so glad you could make it! I'm Sandra," Mrs Lee says, demeanour every bit as friendly as her husband's. She's a brunette, bangs and curled long hair falling over slim shoulders. Eddie feels a rush of familiarity through his bloodstream, thinking of the brown hair and hazel eyes that he wishes had faded away into distant memories. 

"I'm Eddie," he says instead. "Kevin teaches my son, Christopher." Conversation quickly picks up, flowing smoothly over drinks and finger food. _Children are such great conversation starters_ , Eddie thinks, as Sandra tells him about her college-bound eldest son. Everything seems to go fine, until - 

"So, Afghanistan, huh?" Kevin says. In that split second, Eddie doesn't know what possesses him, but he feels himself so comfortable with the two that he spills. Everything. 

"Yeah, I did two tours. It happened when Chris was little, I left my wife behind to care for him alone. She left me soon after I returned. Can't blame her though." He takes a swig of his beer. He needs it. 

Kevin studies him carefully, before saying, "I left Sandra too. It was when Ethan was 5, just entering elementary school. Looking back now, I cannot imagine what that did to her - making her raise our son alone, making her have to explain to him why his dad wasn't around to play with him like all his friends' dads were. But we sorted it out, and now we've been married 25 years." 

"It probably wouldn't have worked out with Shannon anyway, you know? It's like we were so young then, not able to talk to each other without fighting. Sometimes I look back and wonder if it just wasn't meant to be." Eddie doesn't know why these words are just spilling out. He'd never really voiced them out to anyone before, for fear of them judging him for not mourning his dead wife. It was just that he felt so sick of feeling sad for her. 

"But it's fine now, right? You've got that sweet little lady, Carla, was it?" Kevin probes a little. Sandra swats him on the arm. 

Eddie laughs at the thought of that. "Yeah, Carla's an angel. She's a social worker, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I think God sent her in a period of time where I needed her most." 

He thinks, before tacking on, "I've also got a bunch of friends who help me from time to time. They're all amazing and love Chris so much. Especially this guy, Buck, who's absolutely wonderful with Chris." He pulls up a picture of the three of them, taken together at May's graduation party. 

Kevin and Sandra squint at the screen, while Eddie rambles on. "I think he's thoughtful and kind and sweet with Chris, but also one of my closest friends, you know? He's always there for us." 

"Wow, sounds like Chris is really lucky to have a second dad." Kevin jokes, but Eddie freezes. It wasn't the first time someone had made such a remark, but it was the first time someone had said that without actually meeting Buck. Did it really seem like they were parenting Chris together? 

His confusion must have been apparent on his face, because Sandra swats Kevin again, who follows up with, "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have assumed." 

Eddie smiles hesitantly. "It's alright. I ... can see how it seems sometimes." 

Dinner goes smoothly after that, but the conversation just replays in Eddie's mind. 

-

Buck drives up to a familiar mansion, fiddling with his collar before knocking on the door. Edith opens it, smiling from ear to ear. 

"So glad you could make it, sweetie! We don't usually get guests that often." She says as she ushers him inside. Jolene sits at the table, smiling sweetly at the two of them. 

"Hi, I'm Jolene," she says, extending a hand, "you must be Buck, the firefighter who helped me the other day."

Buck blushes. Something about the attention of little old ladies does that to a person. "Nah, that was Hen. I'm not a trained paramedic."

Edith waves her hand, as if dismissing the thought. "Sometimes, the help we need is more of emotional support." She laughs, sitting down at the table. "Come on, let's eat." 

The dining table has a few simple dishes, but Buck wasn't complaining. The couple made lively chatter over the meal, seeming almost eager to adopt Buck as their son. He smiled and laughed, and felt like there was nowhere else that he would rather be. It was moments like this that made him fall in love with the job. Sure, the adrenaline of kicking in windows while suspended twenty storeys above the ground was fun, but the feeling of people happy around him, because of him, was what really sealed the deal. 

"So, are you seeing anyone? I'm sure a catch like you doesn't have a problem with finding someone." Buck almost chokes on his spinach. 

"I'm kinda single at the moment." He says, mildly embarrassed. The image of brown eyes that disappear into a smile floats into his mind, and the red tint to his ears must tip Edith off, because she says, "oh, but you _want_ to see someone." 

He rubs the back of his neck, where the flush has undoubtedly crept up. Well, he's got nothing to lose, right? 

"Yeah. There's this guy I work with, Eddie -" 

"Oh! The brown-haired guy with the arms!" Somehow, Buck knows exactly what she means. Jolene pokes Edith's hand, where it rests on the table. "What? Just because I'm gay doesn't mean that I can't appreciate a good-looking man." 

Buck laughs. "Yeah, he's good looking all right. But he's also brave and charismatic and yet logical and calm under pressure? He's the ideal guy. He's also got this wonderful little boy. I just lo-" 

Buck stops himself. That was close, he didn't have to just come out and admit that he was in love with his best friend in front of two ladies who he barely knew. And yet, the two of them looked at him like they understood. And they probably did. 

Jolene starts, "Buck, I think you should tell him." Before he can protest, she continues. "I met Edith when I was 18, in our first year of college. We'd become roommates and she was my best friend, but I always wanted more. But I was so scared of, you know, losing her friendship that I never said anything about it. I was the maid of honor at her wedding." At that, Buck draws a sharp intake of breath. He thought of having to be the best man at Eddie's wedding, watching him with a faceless, nameless woman, and a pang shot from his heart down to his stomach. 

"Her marriage didn't last, thank god," Jolene continues, earning her a poke from Edith, "but it was painful. After it ended, I had to stop her from crying everywhere and drinking all my wine. Eventually, I did get my shit together to ask her, and it worked, but there were so many wasted years. I don't wish that on anyone." She smiles at Edith, who seems a little watery. Buck doesn't think he looks much better. 

There's a moment of silence, the three of them sharing tender glances, before Edith clears her throat. "Thank you, Jolene, for the tear-jerking story, but Buck is here to have a good time, not to cry." This draws a laugh from all three of them, and dinner goes on. 

He has the most unforgettable crème brûlée, but the conversation continues to linger on his mind. 

-

On their next shift together, Buck senses something off with Eddie. There have been no crinkled eye-smiles or friendly shoulder bumps, just Eddie on edge. 

"Hey, man, are you okay?" Buck asks, as nonchalantly as he can manage. The talk with Edith and Jolene had really shaken him up, making him rethink every move he made towards Eddie. 

"Yeah, I'm good," he replies, playing off the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about Buck and Chris, together in his living room, every day for the rest of his life. 

"Are you sure? Because the last time you were this quiet around me, you knocked a man's nose into his skull." Eddie has to resist the urge to punch him in the gut, because as much as they have worked through their issues, no one wants to have their past (embarrassing past) brought up like that. As though he can read minds, Buck follows it up quickly with a "you know you can always talk to me, right?" 

And Eddie knows he can. 

-

The blaze lights up the night sky, clouds of grey, billowing smoke coming out of a large apartment building. It's a massive fire, and Buck glances over at Bobby. The man seems unfazed at the moment, but the squad knows that when they get back to the station, he'll likely be in the kitchen for ages, baking up cakes and cupcakes and whatever else he can, trying to get his mind off things. 

"Han, Wilson, stay on the ground and check in on those evacuated residents. Buckley, Diaz, work together with those from the 117 to get people out. Watch each other's backs, got it?" Everyone hears the underlying _I can't lose another family to this_. 

As they rush through the building together, heat licking at their heels with every step they take, Buck can't help but think about how well they work together. They knock on doors, shouting out and listening for the quietest of responses. They round a corner when suddenly, the sound of wood disintegrating and collapsing under their feet rings out. Eddie feels himself dragged back, away from the newly opened chasm in the floor, staring down the 7-odd floors they had climbed. 

"Careful, Eds." Buck says calmly, but if he looked closer, Eddie would find thinly veiled panic in his eyes. They continue down the corridor, knocking on doors and kicking them open. Thankfully, it wasn't too late at night and most residents were still awake enough to evacuate. The 9th floor was almost clear, when they heard a scream from behind a locked door. 

"Stand back!" Buck yelled, as he put his leg through the door, knocking it off its hinges. A small grimace crossed his features as his bad leg throbbed. Inside, a young woman, quite probably the one who was doing a lot of screaming, was passed out on the floor. Eddie moved quickly, checking for a pulse and going through the motions, before saying, "it's smoke inhalation. Check the rest of the rooms, I'll get her out." A small voice in the back of his mind told him not to leave Buck behind, but he trusted Buck enough to know that he'd be okay. Jumping to his feet, the other firefighter thudded down the small hallway, opening doors rapidly. Eddie made his way out as quickly as his feet could carry, cursing at the way his feet burned with the heat of every step. 

Bursting out into the fresher, cooler air, he deposited the young lady on the ground next to the medic tent. Firefighters from other departments were spraying the building with water, and little by little, the fire seemed to go down. _But still no Buck_ , Eddie's brain supplied. He turned to look at Bobby, who was staring unflinchingly at the flames. He must have seen something, as right when Eddie made the move to run towards the building, Bobby grabbed his arm. 

"Firefighter Buckley, come in. Exit the building." 

"Firefighter Buckley, please respond." Bobby's commanding tone filtered through his own radio. 

He was about to re-enter the building, wanting to find his partner, when the entrance to the building caved. The glass shattered, flinging him back from the force of the explosion. Amidst the burst of heat and the flying glass, his head filled only with questions of whether he would get to see Evan Buckley again. As he slowly peeled himself off the ground, face dotted with small scrapes and cuts from the glass despite his gear, he saw a familiar face emerge from an adjacent window, smashing through like a man possessed. 

_Him_ , his brain helpfully provided. Buck was spluttering and coughing, his helmet and mask held carefully in place on a young boy's face. Hen rushed over, taking the unconscious boy in her arms, before bringing him towards their tent. As she ran, she shot Buck a glance, then Eddie, as if to say _go check on your man_. 

Eddie dragged him to the back of an ambulance, pushing an oxygen mask onto his face. Any spluttering to attempt to explain himself was muffled by the mask, and by Eddie shining a flashlight into his eyes. As the flashlight switched off, Eddie found himself able to breathe again. 

"Why did you take off your helmet and mask?" Bobby's voice rang out, stern but not angry. He knew all too well that there was no point getting angry at Buck when he'd managed to get the kid out. 

Peeling off his oxygen mask and ignoring Eddie's glare, Buck shrugged and said, "imagine if it was Chris. The kid needed the oxygen and the head protection." 

And just like that, Eddie's world spins. 

Half of him is angry, worried, sad that Buck was willing to just give up his life like that for a kid. For all he knew that it came in the job description, seeing Buck take risks like that was enough to put Eddie in an early grave. The other half was giddy at thinking Buck would give his life for Chris. Sure, as his father, Eddie would do anything for his son, but he would never make Buck do that. God, he lo-

_Oh._

\- 

Covered in soot and sweat, the 118 headed back to the station on their trucks. It was almost 3 in the morning when the fire was finally extinguished, and residents were sent to the hospital. The ride was quiet, everyone thinking of home and the sweet, alluring comfort of a good night's sleep. As sluggish as his movements felt, Eddie's mind was racing. Buck had been there for everything, from the beginning. How long had he been in love with him? The teasing, the little quips that Chim and Hen would make all made sense. The breakfast on Fathers' day, the wonderful little memories of the three of them surfaced all at once, making Eddie feel off-kilter. 

As they washed up as quickly as possible, hoping to end their shifts, Buck's mind was racing. Something about being awake at 3am always brought out feelings that he'd rather not feel. Sure, the satisfaction from rescuing a little boy from a fire was pleasing, but the aching loneliness was back. Bobby would go home to Athena and May and Harry; Chim would go home to Maddie; and Hen would go home to Karen and Denny and Nia. Eddie would go home to Christopher, and *god*, what he would give to be a part of that right now. The unwavering warmth of their little family always seemed to heal the aching pain that hung low in his chest. 

A hesitant voice breaks him out of his reverie. "Hey man, Chris is looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, what do you think if you just came over today, catch some extra sleep?" Eddie asks, with a twinge of uncertainty that wasn't always there. 

Buck swallows. If he offered, who was Buck to ever say no to Eddie? 

\- 

As he tossed the pillows in the guest room (a place where he frequently found himself), Buck heard light footsteps behind him, coming to rest at the door to the room. 

"Bu - Evan. I need to tell you something." Eddie's voice sounds quietly, obviously trying not to wake Christopher. Before Buck can interrupt, and before he can lose his nerve, he says, "I'm in love with you." 

"I know it's kind of sudden, but I only realised it today. I saw you run out with the boy and talk about Chris and how you would do anything for him and I just immediately realised that this is it for me. This is how I want to spend the rest of my life, with you and Chris." He runs a hand through his hair, and Buck turns to face him. 

"You've basically been co-parenting Chris with me, and I never realised it before, but I never want it to change. It's okay if you don't feel the same, but I want you to remain in Chris' life. I can get over it, just don't leave the two of us, I don't think I could handle it if you did." Eddie's voice is raw now, eyes brimming with tears. 

But, ever so softly, Buck replies, "I don't want you to get over it. I love you too, you know. And not just as a friend. I've never felt so at home with anyone before, and I never want to let this go. You're my best friend, but also so much more." 

The tension between them snaps as Buck pulls him into a warm embrace, using his slight height advantage to wrap Eddie up securely in his arms. It feels like home, and feels like love. Eddie looks up at pink lips, and ever so gently, presses his own against them. As they break apart, Buck grins cheekily and says, "wow, who knew Mr I-Never-Talk-About-Feelings was so good at talking about his feelings?" And just like that, the moment disintegrates, and the two of them are back to being comfortable with each other, back to Buck-and-Eddie, except with a little more. 

Curled up in bed together, legs entangled and arms around each other, is how they fall asleep, for that night and for many nights to follow.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! it's my first time writing romance, so if you liked it please come yell at me @forrestffires on tumblr!   
> the title is from turning out by ajr


End file.
